Take a breath.
No, a deep one.
Okay. Now stop playing around. Deep breath... Okay, go!
Ha! That's a breath? Okay, for my chihuahua, maybe. C'mon, do it.
Slowly in. Hold. Hold more. Slowly out.
Things start to feel better, yes?
You see, by taking a few, long, deep, steady breaths, you actually change your body chemistry. You change your stature and mood. Your brain reacts by producing different compositions of chemicals. And so starts a process of release.
So, just walk out of the room you are in right now. Yes, change the scenery. Breathe. Release.
Now you can start over and do it better this time.
Have a beautiful day!
2011-10-03
2011-09-15
Not What Happens, But How Do I React?
How you think about things matters. A death can be a source of grief or it can be a reminder to the life you have left. Morning traffic can be a nuisance or it can be a mini-pre-work sanctuary. A monthly bill can be a burden or an inspiration for knowing that you are fulfilling you obligations. The event is without judgment; it is you who defines how it plays.
Wait, how can I be judgmental? This stuff that happens to me is bad stuff!
I understand that you have been in a comfortable pattern of this kind of thought. If it were not comfortable, you would have changed it. If it were not a pattern, you would not feel helpless to the instantaneous feeling that arises at the mention. So I understand that this pattern, this habit, this belief is hard to shake… at first.
It is difficult to shake because we are designed to develop habits to let our minds focus on other, more critical thinking. When I say critical, I mean not so common. When the bill comes every month, it is regular, it is expected, it is common, and so a habit or pattern is established as a primary, instant reaction to help our conscious mind sort the priorities. Uncommon events take an advanced priority to think through while common ones are left to our past decisions about them in the form of habits.
Just because they are common, however, is not to say that they are no longer as important. Quite the opposite, in fact. It is because these events happen so frequently that you will greatly benefit from a shift in your mental process!
So, why is it so hard to shake these habits? Well, that is the design! Habits and patterns are formed to stand the test of time and create an easy task management plan for the brain. Habits make our life easy!! As such, establishing new and different habits will take some time to get in, form roots and strap in for the long haul.
There are several hundreds and thousands of methods and opinions and studies and experts on change. Throw a dart and pick one! They are all equally as effective and amazing because they are all possibilities. Read a bit, feel what feels good and test it. Stick with it and see! Start small, start simple, and make it fun and encouraging. One victory, no matter how small, is fuel exponential of it's face value!!
The point is, however, that it is important that you change these impressions, these pattern opinions you have of events in your life. Change them so you feel better. If you don't know where to start, ask someone close (when you both are in a calm state) if there was one reaction you have that they would change about you. Honor yourself and the other person by taking the answer with new eyes of improvement and decide if that's a change you could benefit from!
Have any ideas where you will start?
-Jake Z
Wait, how can I be judgmental? This stuff that happens to me is bad stuff!
I understand that you have been in a comfortable pattern of this kind of thought. If it were not comfortable, you would have changed it. If it were not a pattern, you would not feel helpless to the instantaneous feeling that arises at the mention. So I understand that this pattern, this habit, this belief is hard to shake… at first.
It is difficult to shake because we are designed to develop habits to let our minds focus on other, more critical thinking. When I say critical, I mean not so common. When the bill comes every month, it is regular, it is expected, it is common, and so a habit or pattern is established as a primary, instant reaction to help our conscious mind sort the priorities. Uncommon events take an advanced priority to think through while common ones are left to our past decisions about them in the form of habits.
Just because they are common, however, is not to say that they are no longer as important. Quite the opposite, in fact. It is because these events happen so frequently that you will greatly benefit from a shift in your mental process!
So, why is it so hard to shake these habits? Well, that is the design! Habits and patterns are formed to stand the test of time and create an easy task management plan for the brain. Habits make our life easy!! As such, establishing new and different habits will take some time to get in, form roots and strap in for the long haul.
There are several hundreds and thousands of methods and opinions and studies and experts on change. Throw a dart and pick one! They are all equally as effective and amazing because they are all possibilities. Read a bit, feel what feels good and test it. Stick with it and see! Start small, start simple, and make it fun and encouraging. One victory, no matter how small, is fuel exponential of it's face value!!
The point is, however, that it is important that you change these impressions, these pattern opinions you have of events in your life. Change them so you feel better. If you don't know where to start, ask someone close (when you both are in a calm state) if there was one reaction you have that they would change about you. Honor yourself and the other person by taking the answer with new eyes of improvement and decide if that's a change you could benefit from!
Have any ideas where you will start?
-Jake Z
2011-06-16
Make Peace With What You Cannot Control
Many things we encounter are completely out of anyone's hands and are definitely not preventable. We find sadness and compassion in these times easily because, well, no one has a hurricane button or a flood switch.
What makes these everyday, mundane things so frustrating? It is because we believe that they are avoidable and that we only encounter them because of someone else's incompetence. It is because we believe that we can blame someone for these everyday things so we become angry that it wasn't avoided.
So we feel sadness for the victims of the latest flood but get pissed when our server forgets the extra pickle that I ordered. Seems a bit silly, yes? I have found great peace relating to this subject by putting a simple idea into practice:
"I cannot control anything but my own thoughts."You may be thinking, "how does this help me not get angry during my drive home at rush hour?" It helps because you can now realize that you can't control it. And blaming someone, even if there were someone to blame, won't change a thing about it. You cannot control the lines at the store or the mistake someone makes. You cannot control the tides of the sea or the wind patterns on the plains. You cannot control it and neither can anyone else.
Now that we have established that you can't control it, let's deal with the blame game. So what if you could blame someone and make them responsible. What does that accomplish? Does blaming and getting pissed at the driver who caused a fender bender that resulted in 30 minutes of extra traffic make the traffic go away? Or does it just get you pissed? Does blaming and getting frustrated at the new cashier for taking their time and causing a line that delays your day make the line go away? Or does it just get you frustrated? I think you can see where we are going with this.
The blaming doesn't do anything. It doesn't even make you feel better. It makes you feel worse. Because now, instead of being in control of something (like your thoughts), you have made someone else responsible for that which angers or frustrates or saddens you and now they are the only one who can change it for you. But we all know that it won't change.
So we know that we aren't in control of the irritation and blaming doesn't work... so how do we get out of the funk? Simply tune into your thoughts and find something, ANYTHING, that gets you to feeling a bit better. Justify the situation, find the silver lining, occupy your mind... and take a breath! In traffic, I always think, "what a great time to listen to more music or decompress from work!" In line at the store, I always start planning my meals for the night or what fun things I will do with my family on the weekend. While waiting for the server to get my extra pickle, I talk with my friends about the latest movie I have seen. And I take a breath!
Simple as it may seem, you will be able to train yourself into a better feeling place the next time you encounter something that normally would have angered or frustrated you. In not that long at all, with just a bit of practice, you may not even find those situations pop up anymore! How cool would that be!
In the end, it all boils down to the fact that no matter what it is, whatever your drama or dilemma, whoever you can or can't blame, wherever it is happening, the world keeps on spinning and you have the choice to keep moving with it or play stick in the mud with a pouty face. Either way, its your choice.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)